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ディープな英語: 英語のジョーク

Joke de English | ジョーク de 英語: 職業・専門職篇

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英語のジョーク / Palms in Sky

  Home > ディープなアメリカ > 英語ジョーク: ジョーク de 英語 > 英語のジョーク: 職業・専門職篇 > 医者・病院・パイロットジョーク集

Joke de English / ジョーク de 英語: 職業・専門職篇

英語のジョーク: パイロット・医者・メイド他職業ジョーク集

In-flight Announcement

Flight Attendant

"Attention please! When you get off this plane, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.

If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."



Shocking Incident on Flight


Shortly after taking off from JFK airport, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain Lewis speaking.



Welcome to Flight 293. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth flight, now sit back and relax. OH MY GOOOD!!!! Oh, NOOO!"

After this spook-ridden scream, there was a brief silence. Then, the captain spoke again, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize if I scared you earlier, but actually while I was talking, the flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap.

You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in the rear seat said: "That's nothing. He should see the back on mine!!"

Joke de English Basic Comp. 101-01
ジョーク de 英語 ベーシック・ジョーク集

| 日本語訳 | 英語語彙レッスン |

(Vol. 101-01 - ジョーク37点P16)

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本ページのジョークの他、プラス4点の職業ジョークを含め、37点の英語ジョークを全日本語訳と語彙レッスン、解説付きでW2R SHOPにてダウンロード販売しています: Vol. 101-01

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Bad News and Really Bad News


There was this man who received a phone call from his doctor.

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some really bad news."

Patient: "Well, I see. Okay.. Let me have it."

Doctor: "The bad news is that I got your test results back and you have only 24 hours to live."

The man groaned, sobbed desperately.

After a while, finally he asked the doctor, "Then, what can be the really bad news?"

Doctor: "Ugh.. Wel.. I forgot to call you yesterday."





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* 現在、無料で閲覧出来るハリウッドで流れる英語ジョーク & 日本語訳は、100点程度です。

Very Bad News

When Doctor tells

Doctor: I’m afraid I have some very bad news. You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.

Patient: Oh, that’s terrible. How long have I got?

Doctor: Ten.

Patient: Ten? Then what? Years? Months? Weeks? What?

Doctor: Eight, seven..



Aspiring Artist

Good News & Bad News

An aspiring artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work, and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news then?"

"The guy was your doctor."

* Other version: An angel tells you ur goin' to heaven. And bad news being time is now.



I Completely Understand

Doctor & Patient

Inside the operating room, the patient was very nervous.

He said to the doctor, “Doc., I’m so scared. It’s my first operation.”

The doctor said, “Yes, yes, I understand exactly how you feel. It’s my first, too.”



What the doctor ordered

Just do as I say

Patient: Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my left eye.

Doctor: Take the spoon out of the cup.



Things U Don't Want to Hear During Surgery



Oh, geez. I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Darn it! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

We'd better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy later.

Oops! Too much! Hey, did anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff ever?

Aww. Forgot to take that scalpel out aGain!

Wait a min., if that's his spleen, then what the heck is this?

Fire! Fire! Everyone get out NOW!



Maid's Good Help


A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her.

One day, she calls her home and a strange woman answers who says she's the maid.

Woman: "We don't have a maid!"

Maid: "Oh, I was just hired today by the man of the house."

Woman: "Is he there?"

Maid: "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I think is his wife."

Woman: "I AM his wife! Listen, would you like to make $50K?"

Maid: "What will I have to do?"

Woman: "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the bi*ch he's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and then the gunshots.

Maid: "What do I do with the bodies?"

Woman: "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Maid: (Puzzled) "But there IS no pool here."

Woman: "Ugh.. Is this 310-555-3939?!!?"



» Other Job/Professional Jokes List

* Updated this page on 05/15/2015


English Jokes Ref. HP


» lawlaughs.com

» ahajokes.com

» jokes4us.com

» goodreads.com

» searchquotes.com

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